Monday, 6 August 2007

Getting into College - Bob

Although being a postman had its perks, a triplet of painful and annoying calamities on duty made me re-think my career prospects.

1st incident: 4 a.m crash
Each morning I would hop on my little red bike and cycle down a nice long hill to get picked up by the nice red van. Unfortunately on 1 particularly dozey morning I got my bag stuck on the front tyre as I came hurtling down the hill. While trying to dislodge my red bag I took my eyes off the road for a split second, looked up, saw curb, turned handle bars, ate shit. I lay writhing in pain in the middle of the road with friction burns on my knees and road rash on my palms. It was like being 9 years old again, but no dad to pick me up.

2nd incident: twin dog attack
Some people! I mean...some people! I was delivering post to one particually rich tosser in Chislehurst (theres alot of rich tossers in Chisle, but this one was extra tosser) and his two evil piece of crap runt dogs were giving it lungs at the gate. He had noticed this and had come out in his rich tosser white bath robe, but instead of getting rid of his dogs he waited 10ft away by his doorway. There was no way I was going in, but this didnt stop the twin dogs leaning through the gate and giving me a nice bite on the ankles. So I threw the post at the guys medallion dressed chest and swore at his dogs. Customer service is my middle name.

3rd incident: I lost my keys
I think this one took the biscuit on annoyingness. As a postman, you become quite protective over your bike, they all have their own quirks so you become quite attached to them. So its common to lock your back wheel each time you let it out your sight. After getting dropped off by the van, sorting out my bags, I went to unlock my back wheel...which requires keys and 2 hrs of carrying the heaviest bike in the world around, loaded with the heaviest bag of post in the world, in the heaviest rain in the world, I found a guy that had some bolt cutters and he set me free, free as a bird...

Anyways...the point is, I had enough of being a postman. So I asked James to get a camera out from his college and I shot this little video clip thing. It was the first time I had used a manual camcorder, but its just like photography innit, so it werent too bad. Although I did hit the camera into James' head while doing the headphone shot. The video is supposed to be about how your imagination runs wild while you wack on some headphones and go for stroll. According to this video I imagine reading Vice magazine in churches, riding trains, go skateboarding and drive really small cars... This somehow got me into college, which Ive pinned down to the last shot, it was genius then and its genius now. Thanks for doing this James.

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